apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
