i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
