...so i touched it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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