I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
