Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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