If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
