This dress was meant to end up on your floor
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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