he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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