im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
