No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
