I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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