Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
