you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
