3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
