We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
