I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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