I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
