I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
