I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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