You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
