so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You ruined the universe
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
