Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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