so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
