I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
