Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
