...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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