The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize