margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
