So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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