Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
