I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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