how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
