I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
