My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
