so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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