Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
