hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
