shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
