One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
