I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
