you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize