Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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