You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
