last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
