literally had 100 drinks last night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize