Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
