i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
