you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
