Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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