oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
