So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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