made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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