I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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