Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize