the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
