i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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