piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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