I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
