Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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