what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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