Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
