I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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