Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
