One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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