ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
