Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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