you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
