The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
