Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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