So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize