just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
