I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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