This house was built for laser tag.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize