Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
