It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
