Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
