I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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