She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
