Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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