and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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