my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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