Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
