so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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