I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
