Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
