We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
