people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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