Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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