Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
