Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
