How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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