Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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