She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
