why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
