I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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