Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
