You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
