I wanna bring you to show and tell
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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