Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
