it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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