toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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