My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
