Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
