Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
