I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
