y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
