My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
