wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
