Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
