For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
